“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” Hebrews 11:1
Paging through my prayer journal this morning brought me to tears. Not tears from a saddened heart, but the kind of tears that escape from your eyes when you don’t really mean to cry, but rather, find yourself overwhelmed by the goodness of life and the Creator who gave it to you. Not every prayer has been answered, many may require a lifetime, but still, there is a deep well of hope that lives inside of my soul, that the answers will come, and I will be awestruck.
My prayer journal has grown since I started writing in it this last July, and recently I have found myself overwhelmed by the sheer number of important concerns that I have made a heart commitment to pray about. In truth, I have found myself avoiding my journal, and some days, avoiding truly taking time to sit with the One to whom I address these concerns. In other words, I am having stilted conversations with the Lover of my soul. My prayer has felt rote and lifeless. I have not wanted to abandon the discipline I had begun, but I also did not want to dishonor God with heartless repetition.
I began the process of keeping this most recent prayer journal for two reasons:
First, I want to commit to be disciplined in prayer. I want to be a woman of integrity that follows through on my word, and is obedient to the instruction in the Bible that calls me to take my needs, desires and concerns to Him. Also, I want a way to remember to follow through when I had told someone that I would pray for their concerns.
Second, I need a place to record the mighty and mysterious ways that I have and will see God move in my life, and in the lives of those He calls me to pray for. I want a tangible reminder of His faithfulness, for the days when my human mind simply cannot grasp His amazing goodness, or what plan He could possibly have in mind. There is a key to this remembrance though, one that requires action on my part; I must open the cover, turn back the pages, and see what my God has done, and I must ask, and keep on asking. Seek and keep on seeking, and simply talk to the One I love.
I am sowing seeds of faith, disciplining myself with the hope that I am pleasing Him.
I am stepping out in faith, praying that God will direct my thoughts, my prayers, my words.
As I pulled my journal to my lap this morning, I felt Him encourage me to just read and pray through a couple of pages each day, remembering the answered prayers, and rejoicing, and renewing again my commitment to pray through until I see, with my own eyes, His everyday miracles.
Even when I struggle to pray, I know that You do not forget a tear that I have shed, nor a request that I have brought before You. Always, You are faithful. Make me a woman who is faithful in prayer, a woman who delights in her Creator, and let me rejoice continually in the goodness of your plans.